Sunday, 11 May 2008
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It's been a long time since a rock n roll!
I keep thinking over and over that I want to pour my heart out in a blog. I got plenty to say but not the cojoines to actually get it out. How drunk do I have to be to let it out. ahh. arg! not drunk now, just blue. very blue.
I'm not good enough. I'm NOT. but it doesn't matter at all, it really doesn't. this is an accident. it's all an accident! we're just evolution; a virus with shoes. I've always kind of known this but it's more clear to me now.
ahh shit. life is swell enough. it really is! I'm generally happy. I'm really not angry. may be bitter. Getting over Tiffany is proving to be the hardest thing. I can not stop loving her. I can not stop comparing every girl to her and every one comes up short. It's stupid; we're not meant to be. She doesn't understand small sacrifices. But I just can't stop loving her even though we've not spoken in months... terrible.
you know how when someone gets shot or there's a huge wound or injury, they can't actually FEEL the pain. the brain shuts it off so the human can function and therefore live on. that's how this is. I shut off the pain. didn't feel it and had to move on. so maybe that's why it lingers... but the truth is she's the most special girl.... no one like her at all... no more. I'm done; toast.
I DJed a wedding tonight for some good friends. It was very satisfying... I may have some potential jobs out of it.. and to be honest, I really should think about fucking DJing weddings and stuff like that more. I'm gettng to be the age where I can do that shit... I really could do that shit in my sleep if I buckled down, practiced and WORKED>... then I could make the bucks I need to get the fuck outta this stupid country for good!
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